I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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