upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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