sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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