Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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