Swine flu. Run for my life!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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