Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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