Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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