Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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