meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
