I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize