So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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