okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
