I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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