I wish they made helmets for livers.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
