my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
