Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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