K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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