we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
