you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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