Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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