Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
