Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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