last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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