I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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