I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
