Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Welp...herpes.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize