Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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