i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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