3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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