Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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