Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
