And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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