3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize