How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
