Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
