I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize