went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
