Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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