I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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