Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
