Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
