Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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