i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
