PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
