I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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