soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
