Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
