Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am one with the molecules
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
