I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
