My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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