Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
