you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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