Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
