Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
