So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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