The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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