i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
