i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
