He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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