after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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