ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
