Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
