I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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