im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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