did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
