So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
