aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
