i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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