Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
