Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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