i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
