we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize