Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
