im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
