accomplished twins. life is a go
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
