I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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