he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
